Please submit your resume!!!

"Attention! All those who seek to travel by the public "bus" in Bangalore, please check if you have the necessary qualifications.If not, please note that it is not advisable to travel in any public bus that runs in Bangalore.To ensure safety of life while travelling in the buses, please read the safety document carefully before travelling! " Sounds like an advertisement? Well these kind of advertisements will become mandatory in newspapers, radio stations, televisions etc in the near future.Why? Let me explain...
A public bus or to specify, a BMTC bus is an efficient mode of transport! There is no contradiction there!A BMTC bus is an efficient mode of transport to hell or heaven depending upon what the almighty has chosen for you. The only difference is that you might actually experience a part of being in hell while travelling in the huge bus. So a person has to be well equipped to travel in the buses that carry massive amount of people irrespective of its capacity.
The necessary qualifications that one needs to posses are listed below :
1. The person must have certain years of experience.Not in travelling in buses but in roller coaster rides in amusement parks because there is not much difference in the two.
2.The person must have enough muscle strength to hold on to the handle attached to the bus while travelling to prevent falling off from the buses. Sometimes the ride is so dangerous that even the handle attached to the bus comes off, so a person equipped with only two hands cannot travel in the buses because two hands are not sufficient enough to hold on to the bus with the amount of bags that one possesses.
3.Along with strength, a person also needs to have a really audible and loud voice to be able to scream amongst a hundred people when he or she wants to get off the bus.
4. Must be insensitive to being stamped over, being kicked, being slapped, being pushed, being pulled and so on.
5. Must be eager for a transfer . The transfer takes place gradually. A person is promoted from the seat to the nearby pole in the bus, then he is promoted to the door(footboard), the final promotion takes place when the person is sent flying ,out in the open air.
6.Must believe in brotherhood and unity. A person in a terribly crowded bus can see no signs of the handles in the bus to hold on to, because of the crowd. So he must believe in brotherhood which will enable him to gain support to stand in the bus from fellow travellers during the rollercoaster ride.
7.Must be healthy enough to bear all kinds of stink from the smelly areas in the bus. The smelly areas include the atmosphere in the bus, the people, etc.
8. Must possess an oxygen mask and must know how to use the same. The necessity of usage of such instruments arises when the crowd innumerably increases.
9. Must be well versed in the art of abusing and getting abused.
10.Must be prepared to halt anywhere for any silly reason abandoning the next task on hand.
Thus if you seem to possess the above qualifications, please submit your resume!
A BMTC ride also promises a lot of things. We may call it incentives.
1. A BMTC ride promises loss of baggages, wallets, expensive gadgets.
2. It also promises to complete destruction of neatness of one's clothes.
3. It also promises regular dirtying of roads by the people travelling in the bus when they vomit or spit onto the roads.
Thus those who wish to enjoy this distortion-filled ride, can come immediately and submit your resume and buy the ticket to witness their end.